in bloom

We moved into our house last August and had no idea what was in our front little garden. Last week we knew it would be something purple because the blooms were almost visible. Two days ago, we woke up to see these beauties.

can't walk or drive there

Two days following the conversation I had with Davis about him being the worst person in the world, another one came.

Every night I scratch both the boys' backs then sing "the Grace Song" to them. Before even starting to sing, Davis assured me, "Mom, I promise, I'm the worst person in the world." I responded, " Have you been thinking about Jesus?" Because I know that's the only hope for a feeling of such despair.

This time our conversation was even heavier than before. We talked about the cross, and why Jesus died, which Davis knew well. Next I asked if he knew where you went when you died if you are a part of God's family. He knew the answer was Heaven. I asked the oppposite question, and he knew that answer too (he called it the bad place, and I told him it's name).

With tears building in my eyes, I explained to Davis that hell is a place where God will never go. He asked a logical question: "But can't you walk out of there?" No. "Drive?" No. I could tell he felt the weight of this as much as I did, and I asked if maybe now he wanted to talk to Jesus about everything we had been talking about.

Still, his answer was no. He still wasn't ready, he thought maybe someday he could do that.

worst person in the world

Your mind's racing, maybe Hitler?

But no, about two weeks ago, my son came into the bathroom while I was getting ready and told me he was sure he was the worst person in the world. Perhaps the reaction from most parents would be to assure the child of his/her goodness. My heart just could not go there.

Instead, I told him about Paul. Paul, the missionary in the Bible, who called himself chief of sinners. We talked about God's grace and how amazing it is to cover over all the things, thoughts, and problems we have. I continued by telling him how you get a new heart when you become part of God's family; and that new heart is like Jesus' heart. It means when God looks at you, He no longer sees the worst person in the world, He sees His Son.

I sat Davis down in my lap and held him for a few minutes, and told him we could talk to Jesus about all of that right that minute.

He looked at me, still overwhelmed and a little sad, and said, "I'm not ready yet."

mom/next American Idol

I am scared to admit that I have a mixed tape that includes a song in which I sing. The tape was actually made for a friend who returned it to me not too long ago. These days I usually drive the van, the van’s CD player is broken, and I am not a big fan of the radio.

Every song on the mixed tape is one of my favorites from that time in my life; naturally, I popped the tape in to have a listen. I made the mistake of telling our boys that I was singing on the one song. Now, every time we get in the car they want to hear that song. I try to indulge them once in a while.

Tonight was one of those nights, we had just finished watching American Idol with Kevin’s parents and we were headed home. I put it on for them, and they cheered, literally clapped and shouted for my song.

No, I won’t be trying out for season 15 (or whatever’s next), I don’t need to be the next American Idol; it’s enough for me that my kids cheer when I sing.

the boot

Today at 5:30 p.m. Davis pushed Ronin off the ottoman at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

At 7:30 p.m. Ronin and I took a trip to the ER.

By 9:00 p.m., we arrived home with "the boot" (the name given to the splint by Ronin).

For the worried family members, Ronin has a fractured bone in his foot, which his dad helped fix while at work in the ER.

Halloween

I nearly forgot to post some pictures of the boys in their get-up! Happy Late Halloween!

constant pretending

from: 3Nov09

This morning was gorgeous: sun shining, enough chill in the air for a sweater, and the most beautiful boys playing in the backyard.

I played with them, pretending to be a customer to D&R’s Bakery where I waited for my number to be called, picked up my cupcakes, and paid the “cashier.”

As kids, our imaginations take us to distant lands and outer space, but sometimes it just takes us into the future…of our own lives. Two of my best friends and I in elementary school would play “street,” riding our bicycles on the sidewalks pretending to go from work to home, occasionally pulled over by the police for speeding.

What is it I now do that is merely pretense for the “age to come?” A little reflection forces me to believe it is not my 8-5, rather it is the moments I laugh so hard I cry, love so deep I ache, and feel immense life that is even in each breath I take.