too quiet

Kevin was gone for work, so my wonderful mother-in-law took our older boys for a few days to help out. The first hour was so nice, so quiet, but then this morning I started feeling the need to scat around the house; bee-bopping around just so there was some noise.
Eli and Evan are now sleeping like big boys in their cribs and are no longer swaddled at night or for naps. This has been quite an adjustment, one that Kevin should be grateful he did not have to endure.
However, it means I get to capture little moments like these. Eli's little bare-feet, his face in his hands, and his new favorite way to sleep: on his tummy.

After they eat at eleven o'clock, they are usually bombarded by Ronin. He is in their face, talking, laughing, giving them toys.
Not this time; it was quiet, Evan went right back to sleep. He threw his hands up once at the sound of the shutter on the camera, but turned his head and kept on with his after-nap snooze. Evan's hair is growing much faster than Eli's for some reason, and I just love it.
It is nice to have some lazy time with the babies, but I think I am ready to have our big boys back in the house making a ruckus.


an ode to children (and the God who gave them)

Any mother will tell you that everyday is not a holiday, some are so incredibly difficult that at the end of the day, you feel like crumpling into the couch and crying; and sometimes we actually do it. However, the ways in which they have enriched my life are too numerous to count because they are indeed gifts from God.
I know more now what it means to love without condition: none of our babies ever did a tiny thing for us to love them, yet the love that fills the space in my heart for each of our children is overwhelming. I know more deeply now God's sovereignty over all things, even when your baby's life is hanging in the balance. He has shown me He is good and He is in control whether He gives life or takes it away.
I understand more now than ever how the sufficiency of Christ for the work of my salvation had absolutely nothing to do with me in the same way the birth of Davis, Ronin, Evan, and Eli had nothing to do with them. God formed them in my womb through the glory that is found in the intimacy of marriage. None of them just decided they were going to be born one day. It was all an act of God, every part. From conception to delivery not a moment was in their control.
He has shown me through the gift of children glimpses of what the Father sees when He looks at His children when they are hurting, and His desire and complete ability to comfort us when we feel pain.
He has shown me through parenting how His mercies are new every morning; how regardless of the times we fall and fail, He continues to hold His hands out and encourage us to take steps to Him. Because of my inability to answer all the"Why's?" our precious two-year-olds ask, He shows me He is the Answer to all my questions, the Truth is found in Him. When little eyes look to me, I am confident I must look to Him.
Having children is a blessing, it is a means of refining my heart in ways I could not have imagined. The ultimate reality that it is all about God (not about me, or even my kids) is deeper now and fresh everyday. The call to motherhood is a rich and weighty one, and I am challenged, honored, and rewarded consistently.

I celebrate those who have made the choice not to have children so they can see children added to the kingdom of God, I do not judge those who are unsure if the task of motherhood is for them, I empathize with those who long for the warmth of a baby to fill their arms, and I ache for those who have known the presence of a baby in the womb and lost it.

The solace is the same for all of us: Jesus. He satisfies our deepest desires, and we can trust Him with everything: the joy, the frustration, the uncertainty, the longing, and the pain.