be the moon

I'm pretty sure Mardel still sells the t-shirt with that phrase on the front: Be the Moon.  On the back it says, reflect the Son.  As cheesy as it sounds, it is an accurate description of what we should do, and actually what we will do if we are spending time with God (the Father).  When we're not spending time with Him, we will inevitably show our nastier selves in a variety of ways.

Remember when your kid was two or three and you would notice some quirky little trait or some irrational fear they had?  It's cause they were being the moon.  There is an intentional parallel between us and our children and God and His children.

We easily notice when we are more patient, loving, and kind with those around us as a result of being with Jesus and reading the Bible to sustain our souls, but what we often fail to notice is when our own children display characteristics they have picked up from us because (shocker...) they are with us all the time.

I noticed sometimes when Ronin is sensitive about something, it does no good to talk about it, or he gets extremely emotional.  This baffled me for the longest time, until finally, I saw myself do it.  Now don't misunderstand me to say that our children have no identity of their own--they do!  But they are most like you and your spouse, because they belong to you and they are a reflection of you.

This is assaulting on a couple fronts: all of the sudden you just thought of something one of your kids does that you haven't been able to explain until now.  Also, if you love Jesus, you know you don't spend as much time with Him as you want to and because of that, your kids will reflect it.  While many say your relationship with God is just between the two of you, it's just not true.  It effects everyone around you (and it should), especially your kids. 

why Portland?

At this point, many or most of you know we are planning to move to Portland, OR in January 2012, but what you may not know (even if you read Church Plant Media's blog post) is why.

The last time our family made a decision this big was when Kevin joined the Army, which was seven years ago.  I remember everyone looking at me as if I were crazy and Kevin was insane for not realizing a war was going on, and there was a 99.9% chance he would end up fighting it.  

The growth and maturity we experienced as a result of moving, enduring 34 months (training and deployments) apart, and moving back to our hometown was incredible.  Most poignant is this: God is sovereign and He is absolutely worthy of our trust.

A few months ago, Kevin mentioned to me an opportunity to serve at an Acts29 church plant.  We have been interested in serving in this way for several years, so I perked up.  The church plant is out of Mars Hill, and plans to officially launch in January, but held their first meeting last Sunday (click the link to read an interesting article).  Kevin and I began to pray.  

We found ourselves literally on our knees in prayer, seeking to be submissive to God.  After a lot of discussion, Kevin began to explore the option further.  He first talked to our pastor, then to his boss, then to the church planter in Portland, and had conversations with all of them again.  

Each conversation seemed to take us closer and closer to making the move to Portland, one of the final deciding factors actually was Kevin's mom; she was diagnosed with colon cancer just a few weeks ago.  We needed to know the result of her surgery and what stage the cancer was.  The surgery removed the cancerous tumor, the labs showed it was Stage 1 and she would not need chemo.  Everything has confirmed our decision to move.

As a result, this month Kevin will launch a new website called, Tools for the Sower, a vision we believe is totally from God.  It will be a resource for church planters and ministry leaders everywhere, providing a place where they can receive quality information on a number of resources (i.e. websites, bookkeeping, furnishings, etc.).  In this way, Kevin is still connected to his friends at Church Plant Media.  

The goal is not for Kevin to be on staff, but is very similar to the goal we had when he joined the Army: to live intentionally for Jesus in a difficult place.  Some people seem to think Portland will simply be awesome, and that is why we want to go there.  While there are wonderful things about Portland, it is not the Bible Belt, and we're aware.  

So, I write to inform and I write to plead with you for your prayers (again) as we take our first steps on this new journey: for wisdom, for reliance on the Holy Spirit, and for the truth of the gospel to be constantly evident in our hearts, words, and actions.  We now stand firmly in the truth we became so grounded in during the time in the Army, God is sovereign and He is absolutely worthy of our trust. 

the big ONE (12 months)

Reflecting on the past year has been so overwhelming, I haven't been able to put words to it until now.  Evan and Eli are constant visual reminders of God's grace and miraculous power.  They endured so much before even entering the world, and then fought their way right out of the NICU into our home at the end of last October. Just as much as the little guys (and the older ones too) are reminders of God's grace and power, they are reminders to me of how much I need His grace and power.

The comments I receive from people are generally the same, "You've got your hands full!" "Double trouble, huh?", "Are they twins?", "All boys?", and the all-inclusive, "Wow."  Because the comments are usually the same, so are my responses, "They are wonderful!", "It's great!", "I wouldn't trade 'em for anything.", and some others.   People often look at me and they feel overwhelmed.

 However, there are some extra-ordinary comments.  The best of the year came from a little girl when we were at the park; she saw the twins, and asked, "Woh...are they connected?"  And another from an older lady at a grocery store (when I was there with all four boys), as we approached her, "What a gorgeous family! Really!"

 But, there's also the worst, which I didn't hear until just a week ago when I was telling a lady I had twin, one-year-old, boys, she said, "What a nightmare!"  In case you were wondering, you should never say this out loud, even if you are thinking it.  For us, it is quite the opposite: it is extremely entertaining, and sometimes just like a dream.

For all of you who have been on this journey with us, thank you for your consistent prayers for each person in our family, we have all been in need of His faithful grace, and we have no doubt the prayers of the saints on our behalf have been a means of keeping us sane and even joyful. 

the best job

Some of us choose the calling, to others it was definitely given.  I am in the second category, but because our second, third, and (technically) fourth children were planned I also feel I am partially in the first category.

My oldest son wanted to talk to me, just the two of us, no Daddy and no Ronin; this kind of time is pretty hard to come by, but we managed to sneak away to the back porch on a Sunday morning for some conversation.  He asked what it was like being a mom and dad (he also asked what it was like being married, because he's really nervous about it---that is probably a post for another day).  I responded honestly, "It is the hardest job I've ever had."

"But it's the best one."

It's true isn't it?  There are moments that I think really highly of myself, those times when all the children behave really well when we're in public, and I contemplate all the hard work we have done in raising them thus far.   Then we get home and they start whining, I yell at one of them, one of the babies will inevitably hurt himself, and on and on.

Reality sinks in...I am not the perfect mother and I do not have the perfect children.

To continue the hard work despite behavioral outcomes is incredibly challenging, a task I cannot bear; I do not have the consistency, the patience, nor the perseverance needed to be all the things our four children demand of me.  It is only in the power of Jesus Christ that I find all these things, I discover on a daily hourly basis I need sustenance that I can't provide for myself.

He is enough for the sometimes monotonous tasks of a mother's day.

Motherhood is a calling (it is not more noble than that of being a father or even of being single), and it is hard.  It is hard because the by-products of your work are constantly in front of you, because there is a temptation to count yourself worthy often, because to be successful it requires trust in Jesus--for the strength and for the future of your children.

It is the best job because it provides a daily means of my sanctification, because I see and understand more God's love for His children, and because when I slow my mind down long enough, my heart swells so with love it is hardly bearable. 

11 months

 Here is Eli.  These days he smiles and laughs all the time.  His new favorite thing to do is raise both hands in the air and wait for you to say, "Yay!!"  He occasionally fights with Evan if there's a really cool toy involved.  He is completely mobile, even shuffling along the couch sometimes.

 These pictures were taken on OU's first game day of the season.  Kevin wouldn't have them dressed any other way to start off the season.

 Here is Evan.  See that spot just to the right of his mouth that looks dirty, it's a bruise.  These are the days of scrapes, bumps, and bruises.  Seems one of them gets hurt at least once a day.  Thankfully, I have two other boys that prepared me well for this stage, so I can say "uh-oh" instead of crying every time they get hurt!

If you are contemplating what to get your little one for Christmas, forget all the high-tech toys and get a box of tupperware.  All of our kids have seriously enjoyed playing with the tupperware cabinet, and it keeps them out of all the other ones.

This post is a little late, which means in just a couple weeks I'll be posting about their birthday!  

get on the floor

A few weeks ago, after a full day, making dinner, and cleaning up, I was exhausted.  I wobbled into the living room and laid on the floor.  It only took two minutes for both the babies to come charging at me, climbing on and over me; in two more minutes, the big boys were rolling around too, and in two more, Kevin was there too. 

It turned into tickling, laughing, and playing for at least twenty minutes.  We were having so much fun; I hardly realized it was time for bed.  As all of us caught our breath, I sent the boys off to get ready for bed, and then changed the babies into their pajamas.  Once everyone was settled in their beds, and Kevin and I were sitting comfortably, he looked over at me and said, “That was fun, huh?”

It is pretty easy to get lost in the mundane tasks of our days, and forget to laugh and play.  I think we would all be pleasantly surprised at what happens when we get on the floor. 

10 months

It is hard to believe that a just over a year ago, I was in Houston for fetal intervention surgery. Today, our little guys are ten months old, and healthy as can be. They are reminders of God's grace and miraculous power everyday.

Ronin put the cowboy hat on Eli, but Eli managed to give us his best John Wayne face all on his own. Eli is still "low crawling," but is pulling up when he feels like it. He prefers to use his brute strength to get places, he is determined to power through anything to get where he wants to go, even if it's your leg. He's got heart, and doesn't give up!
Evan is completely mobile now, he crawls, pulls up on anything with ease, and his favorite thing to do lately is pull everything out of this coffee table and climb inside. He is our little explorer, he ventures into the kitchen, the hallway, the bathroom (if he can get there while it's open), and any place he sets his mind to.
They are moving through baby food pretty quickly and seem interested in solids; we finally had to buy a second booster seat because they sit with us at meal-time occasionally.
They are incredibly smart and are already completing alphabet puzzles! Well, tasting alphabet puzzles is more like it. They love playing with the big boys on the floor!
A couple days ago, Evan was pulling up on everything in the living room and Davis said to me, "Mom, I can't believe how fast they are growing up! It won't be long and they'll be walking."